Like many of my creative endeavors, blog post ideas often fade into existence half-baked. This one started with the title, “All About Me and No One Cares”. I didn’t have to think very long before I realized the implied message was completely off kilter. While this post is all about me and often feeling as if no one cares, it is more properly a conversation about introspection and feeling as if I am the only person who recognizes personal growth.
I only share those words because I feel they help illustrate how my mind often works. A spark of an idea. A realization that the concept is flawed. Giving up on the thought for a moment. Deciding to explore it anyway. Eventually arriving at a glowing ember with which I can cope.
As orderly as that seems when written down, the entire process is chaotic and confused. If I fail to write down a few notes, the embers worth keeping fade away. I am left trying to create something from the ghost of an idea that was already wanting. That perfect post that had called to me just moments ago is now gone. The best I can do is create a shadow of what I imagined. Even then, the shadow is fading fast.
And, thus, we get back to that original title idea. I sit within my own head, seeking clues left by a spark. There is a lot of introspection. What was it that triggered the spark? Why did it capture my imagination? How do I recover that moment of epiphany and make it useful to anyone else?
There is that spark again. All this introspection has been done in isolation. Even when I endeavor to share it with the wider world, it is lost in the chaos. Surely, it is not a great work. It is merely a passing thought upon which I lingered. It is a passing thought which is forgotten as soon as it is penned.
And this is why being creative is both a blessing and a curse. The hard work of exploring one’s own mind is but a vapor to those who interrupt my isolation.
But, it still matters.